In this much-circulated outtake (thrown off of YouTube but still up at Gawker) of Bill O'Reilly wrapping up an old "Inside Edition" episode, Bill-O is scripted to introduce a Sting video by saying "And now here's Sting to play us out." I didn't think it was possible that Bill O'Reilly could be unacquainted with any cliche, but the experienced broadcaster reacts to these teleprompted words like they're some sort of cipher encryption. "Whatever it is, it's not right on the teleprompter, I don't know what that is, I've never seen that," he says sharply. Not realizing that it's not the Sting video but the words introducing the Sting video that has Bill flustered, an off-camera staff member gently admonishes "No, there is. We are gonna do Sting, yeah." His problem unaddressed, Bill-O now refuses to accept that the words before him are actually words. "I can't read it, there's NO WORDS ON IT! THERE'S NO WORDS THERE: 'TO PLAY US OUT!' What does that mean, 'TO PLAY US OUT?'" he stammers, repeating the confounding phrase as if he can't believe that everyone else in the room doesn't agree that it's complete gibberish.

He makes a final, Herculean effort to solve the riddle by staring silently at the teleprompter for several seconds but it's as if the words have been put there simply to taunt him. "What is--I don't know what that means, 'TO PLAY US OUT!'" he cries again. "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!"

His staff no help at all, Bill finally summons up the "context clues" training he received in grammar school and weakly asks if "to play us out" mean something like "to end the show." This theory affirmed, he attempts the wrap-up a couple of times but anger and frustration have gotten the better of him and keeps screwing up. "We'll do it live!" he screams and as the offscreen voice starts to speak O'Reilly cuts him off with the defensive fury of a raging king or a cornered animal. "WE'LL DO IT LIVE!! FUCK IT!! I'll write it and WE'LL DO IT LIVE!!! FUCKIN' THING SUCKS!!!"

But Bill O'Reiily is a pro and seconds after this outburst he offers a flawless outro in his own words: "...that is it for us today, I'm Bill O'Reilly, thanks again for watching, we'll leave you with Sting and a cut off his new album. Take it away..."

The "take it away" is like a cool breeze caressing the viewer as the show transitions to Sting's dulcet tones. Masterful. But this moment of calm is all technique and when it is over O'Reilly seethes on, tearing off his jacket and screaming at his staff. Woe betide anyone or anything that thinks it can challenge this man in his kingdom, the English language included. At his say-so, words cease being words. Bill O'Reilly, one might say, walks in fields of gold.

And now here's Sting to play us out.


P.S.: My wife notes "He's doesn't know 'falafel' from 'loofah,' you can't expect him to know 'play us out.'"

Tom Owens and Diana Helmer moved to Perry in December and engaged in an unusual habit.

They knew no one but waved at everybody.

"I've noticed the effects a wave has," Helmer said. "When you wave it's like a smile. A smile always changes your mood. You can't smile and not be changed."

. . .

Isn't it interesting that this couple is friendly and people think they are nutty?" Perry Mayor Viivi Shirley said.

. . .

While walking toward downtown, the two head down Willis Avenue, the busy street they live on. They begin waving to every driver.

Helmer lets loose an enthusiastic parade wave, arm overhead, bending at wrist and elbow. Owens goes overhead with a single swipe, all elbow.

The first two car passengers return it.

Owens' idea was born after the two moved to Perry from Marshalltown, the hometown they had returned to after living in Missouri, Wisconsin and Washington state.

Even Marshalltown was too big. They realized no one talked to the grocery store cashier.

"We didn't want to be that way," Owens said. "Everyone matters. No one is invisible."

The couple could have moved anywhere. Their jobs are portable - writers of nearly 80 children's books between them - with no kids and two cats. They chose Perry for its smaller size.

. . .

One reason they both left journalism many years ago, they said, is because adults wanted to read bad news, children didn't.

But adults, they found, maintain a childlike spirit in a wave.

Des Moines Register (via Obscure Store)

Jon Glaser & H. Jon Benjamin, couple of years ago: